Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
