We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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