he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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