Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
