Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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