First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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