He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
