how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
