my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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