just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
