He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
