Dual....:-)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
