his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
