Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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