I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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