Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
