Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
