what day is it and did you see me today?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
