Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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