hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Mom said you looked used
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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