Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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