Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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