dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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