He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
