don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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