frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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