I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
