somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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