So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
