make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
