Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
