i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
