All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
