Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
