did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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