There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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