just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
