is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
