Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
