I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
