yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
