it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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