READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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