did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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