At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
