And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
