I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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