so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
