I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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