I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
