Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize