Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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