im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
