I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
