You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
