I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
