It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
