They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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