I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
