We're facebook friends in real life
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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