I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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