have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
