im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
