if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
