I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
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