i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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