how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am spending my child support on dildos
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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