Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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