so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize