If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
