He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
