The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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