i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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