Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
