My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
