i permit you to call me
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this boner is exhausting
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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