But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
