I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
