i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
