I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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