Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
