I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
