We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
