I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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