I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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