I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
