I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
