There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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