I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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