I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
