oh god the rape fog is back!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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