She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
