Yo dont text me then not text me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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