we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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