she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
