wrigley field is MILF paradise
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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