I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
