I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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