Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
