My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
