so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
