I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize