How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
